What is love?

Tomorrow is my five year wedding anniversary so it seemed fitting today to blog about someone very close to me heart.

My darling husband.

Tony and I 'officially' got married on the 24th October 2008 in front of our two witnesses, my parents, my sister, family friends from Canada and my best friend from school. It was a tiny affair but it was wonderful. After the ceremony we went to our favourite pub/restaurant and then went on to spend the night in Chiseldon house hotel. The reason it was such a small do was because the next day on the 25th we had a church blessing and for me as a Christian that was the important part. It was during the blessing that we exchanged rings and vows and had about 80 guests. We had the service at 5pm and had candles lit everywhere we could safely put them! It was a truly beautiful occasion.

After the service we had tea and cupcakes in the church with all our guests and once all the photographs were taken we went back to my parents house with 25 friends and family and had a fabulous celebration catered by a local restaurant.

Our wedding 'flowers' were gathered from the country village that I grew up in and arranged by a good family friend. They were breath taking! She had used these amazing Autumn colours, almost everything wild from the hedges and just brought a few flowers from the market to put some actual flowers in the display. My bridesmaids had bouquets made out of felt flowers which were fabulously quirky! The photography was done by another family friend and my Dad being a C of E vicar did the service.

Tony and I have never been a 'flashly' couple (not that kind of flashing!) and our wedding reflected us wonderfully. It was small, intimate and full of love and laughter. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and wore a deep purple maternity dress and I love knowing that even though she was still inside Amelia-Rose was technically at our wedding!

We pledged to each other that day 'In sickness and in health' 'For better and for worse' we would stay together and there isn't a doubt in my mind that we have kept those vows.

In the quest for honesty (as is the purpose of this blog) I will not lie and tell you it has all been plain sailing. In fact, there was a time that our marriage was pushed to the very limit. It was after we had relocated to Dorset but Tony was commuting to Wiltshire to work (2 and a half hours away) and working 24 hour shifts. He was away more then he was around and rather then go through the pain of missing each other when he was gone we fell into a pattern of bickering and the light heartedness that had always been key in our relationship slipped away. I felt like I had lost the man I married to depression.

There was a time that I wondered if we would make it. But thank God, we fought. We talked, we cried together and most importantly we healed together. That's the thing you see with unconditional love. If you love someone unconditionally that goes beyond the boundaries of behaviour and hurt.

Unconditional love is not 'I love you if you behave in a way I like' it is 'I love you despite everything else, no matter what.' What this time in our relationship taught me is that you can love someone enough to lay your life down but you don't always have to like them very much!

When Tony started to work in Dorset and we were seeing each other every day again we both let ourselves heal. We let our marriage heal. Unconditional love.

We grew as a couple and as parents and the whole time we were growing together. He became a bigger part of me and I became a bigger part of him.

Now 5 years on and not a day goes by that I don't look at Tony and thank God for bringing him into my life. Tony is selfless and kind in a way that goes above and beyond the call of duty. He is tender and loving. He never belittles how I feel and I have never EVER heard him complain about my illness. Obviously it goes without saying that he wishes I was well but he never complains about the impact my reduced capability has brought to our lives.  In fact, several times a week he will tell me how well he thinks I am coping and says he doesn't know anyone else who would be able to face chronic illness with such strength and remain positive. He's like my own personal champion

When I got sick without ever needing to be asked Tony took over all the house work, in fact, he actually tells me off if I do it! I enjoy housework so do as much as I can but there are things like hovering and carrying loads of washing that I simply cannot do and like a domestic knight in shining armour he swept in and took over.


He kisses me on the forehead and tells me he loves me, he holds me so tight when I cry, when he envelopes me in his arms my troubles melt into him and he carries them with no sign of it being a burden.

I don't have to voice how I feel or how bad the pain is around him, he always just knows. If I do need to talk about it though he listens.

In the lonely long nights that I am awake in agony (and I mean agony) he is there, stroking my hair, holding my hand. Telling me I look beautiful even if I don't feel it.

I need to take pain killers first thing in the morning and to enable me to do this before I have to get out of bed I get breakfast in bed everyday and if he is on an early he makes me a cup of tea in my travel mug and puts a bowl, milk and cereal on a tray so it is at the side of the bed when I wake up.

The thoughtfulness of my lovely hubby is endless.

No one can make me laugh like Tony does, he is silly and so inappropriate sometimes but it is always done in good humour. He's never grown out of the naughty school boy humour!

He is the most dedicated father to our daughter also. I am still really struggling with the pain from the hip blocks so this morning to keep Amelia-Rose busy and give me some quiet he spent an hour in her bedroom with her on the floor playing Barbies!

As if doing everything he does at home wasn't enough 'giving' Tony is a carer for adults with learning difficulties. His ability to do the job he does to the standard he does it is outstanding. For whatever reason, care work is a female dominated profession but hands down, Tony is as good if not better then some of the best female carers I've ever met. He takes the needs of his clients as paramount and gives a huge part of himself to his work. He really is a carer, he cares. For him, it's about so much more then just turning up to work, doing your shift and coming home. He invests a part of himself into every shift and I couldn't be prouder of him for the work that he does.

I can't imagine what life would be without my love. My soul mate. My 'other half'. We have laid the strongest foundations in the past 5 years and I look forward now to building our future together.


So, what is love? Well if you ask me. It's Tony.