Mind over matter

I've been really proud of the 'head space' I have been in over the weekend. Every now and again I have to stop, regroup and really force myself to pause and reconnect. I think starting the raw food lifestyle again (I don't like to call it a 'diet' as people automatically associate that with weight loss) has given me a real boost. I am aware I've lost a lot confidence in my body recently because it feels so 'out of my hands' but taking the time to prepare myself fully raw dishes and knowing that I am nurturing my body in such an efficient way has possibly started to bridge the gap between body and mind.

What makes me think that is that this weekend has been a horrendous pain weekend. Horrendous. Saturday morning was ok and I was grateful for that because we took Amelia-Rose to the theatre to see 'A tap dancing Mermaid' which was absolutely wonderful. I've been taking Amelia-Rose to see live productions since she was under 2 and she adores going to see shows. This particular one was a one woman show by Tessa Bide and it was truly magical. http://www.tessabide.com/ Tessa is an amazing performer, we've seen a few of the shows she's been in as we got to know her when she worked at The Lyric but this is the first one she has actually devised herself also.

Anyway, I got through the morning but was feeling worse by the hour as the afternoon set in. Around dinner time I could tell I was going to be in for a rough night. On top of all the regular pain I had 'that' awful stomach ache (see first post!) and my jaw was really bothering me. Throughout the day I had developed a very sore lump on my jaw which was increasing to swell.

The night was every bit as bad as I had expected and I got no sleep. No, that's a lie. I did sleep. I last looked at the clock and it was 4.05am. I woke myself up crying (in pain! boohoo!) at 4.30am. Yes. You read it right. I got 25 minutes sleep! That was it then until 10.30am when I dozed off for two hours and was then awake until 9.30pm! Two and a half hours sleep in 36 hours!

I should have been going out of my mind with all that lot but I wasn't. I really did manage to just accept it. I knew the next 48 hours or so were going to be tough but then everything would calm down and I could carry on.

I was sad that I was sick on the weekend when I cherish them so much now Amelia-Rose is in school part time but it was unavoidable and stressing myself out was only going to make it worse. I knew I did the right thing Sunday texting my mum very early explaining the situation  and asking her to take Amelia-Rose for the day. It was harvest festival at church followed by the harvest lunch and my grandparents were down for the weekend. I didn't want her to miss any of that so I accepted that this year I couldn't do these things but she could and it was ok for her to go for the day. I wasn't being a terrible mother by letting her go and admitting to myself it would have just been too much to have a lively four year old ball of energy to entertain all day. I was just being a poorly mum.

Last night before bed I did a 40 minute guided meditation and slept well.

I took this morning slowly and have started on my mission to declutter my drawers but set myself the goal of one drawer.

My jaw is still very sore so I made myself an amazing orange and basil juice with pulp for tea and I didn't insist on a big nutty salad or something that would require a lot of prep.

All of these things make me think that maybe my mind is beginning to process how to live with this in a way that doesn't make me feel like I am missing out, letting everyone down or resenting my body for causing me so much pain.

I have managed to keep my spirit level through a pain 'peak' and I really am incredibly proud of that.

Be blessed x