A gentle weekend

This weekend despite still feel rough as... Well, lets leave it as rough shall we! ;-) I have made an effort for Amelia-Rose's sake to get up and appear 'normal mum'. It didn't start too great as Friday night my insomnia kicked in and I got absolutely no sleep! It did mean though that by 7.30am my over tired hyper energy had kicked in and I decided to make hot cross buns! 'Normal' for me involves baking!

They were a real hit with everyone from my year old nephew to my husband!

Whilst I was waiting for the hot cross buns to prove I showed Amelia-Rose how to make a boat out of an egg box (thanks pinterest) and later when my nephews came over I showed my older nephew (age 3!) how to do it too.

Tony took Amelia-Rose to the local museum which is her favourite outing in our town. It closes in the winter and she really misses it! It's a shame because I think she would love to do that on her birthday! It's a good museum but it is fairly small, that doesn't bother Amelia-Rose though! The fact that it's free means she gets to go whenever she asks as long we we have a free day. Another local museum she love is the dinosaur museum but that's fairly pricey for what it is and is a 20 minute car ride away meaning they can't just pop in.

Today Amelia-Rose and I spent most the morning playing (for some of the time we had frustrating fun with her aqua beads!) then Tony took her to the supermarket to get a few bits then she went to church with my parents.

The last time I went to church was when I was embarassingly ended up doubled over in agony and being taken out by paramedics on a stretcher and started my two weeks in hospital. It will take a while to rebuild my confidence to go back.

In the evening we cleaned out our stick insects. We had them before but they all died. They only have a life span of 12 months and I got them to teach Amelia-Rose about the life cycle. You can't really get emotionally attached to a stick insect even if you are five. I had them as a teenager so know all about them. When they had all eventually died (they died over the course of a few months) I emptied the tank but left some eggs on the bottom thinking I would give it a proper clean out when I put the fish in there. Never in a million years did I think they would hatch!

A few weeks later when I was dusting I noticed 5 tiny baby insects in there with their eggs still attached!! We couldn't believe it! We put some privet in leaving the remaining eggs and the next time we looked there was 7, then 10!

Yesterday I noticed oddly there was a moth inside!! Today we cleaned them out all together and released the moth outside. We all had our jobs, I took the insects out and passed them to Amelia-Rose who put them in a tub and Tony watched the tub. They are quick little gits when they want to be! As I was taking the leafs out I found the moth's cacoon that we have saved so she can take it into school. We counted a staggering 18 insects!! All various sizes!

As the weather has been so.beautiful and my tulips are all in full bloom I took a turn about the garden (as Jane Austen characters would say! ) and plenty of beautiful albeit slightly abstract in some cases photos of the tulips.

I was excited to see some green shoots and buds on my apple tree. I bought it in October from the local garden centre when it was full of delicious apples. The poor thing is still in the pot I bought it in but Tony hasn't the time to get it in the ground. I don't bland him at all, with the amount he has on his plate it would be harsh of me to be cross about it! It's just a shame. I did get a quote from a guy but it felt a bit steep for our budget! Perhaps a local who reads my blog might like to come and dig it a hole ;-) ;-)

I'll put all the relevant pictures from the weekend below. All in all bar the insomnia and still feeling so horribly full and comfortable it's been a nice weekend. This week is operation Easter! Hopefully crafts galore! I had wanted to make Amelia-Rose an Easter countdown but I haven't been well enough. This week as we are in the spirit I am hoping to make it this week ready for next year.

What is love?

Tomorrow is my five year wedding anniversary so it seemed fitting today to blog about someone very close to me heart.

My darling husband.

Tony and I 'officially' got married on the 24th October 2008 in front of our two witnesses, my parents, my sister, family friends from Canada and my best friend from school. It was a tiny affair but it was wonderful. After the ceremony we went to our favourite pub/restaurant and then went on to spend the night in Chiseldon house hotel. The reason it was such a small do was because the next day on the 25th we had a church blessing and for me as a Christian that was the important part. It was during the blessing that we exchanged rings and vows and had about 80 guests. We had the service at 5pm and had candles lit everywhere we could safely put them! It was a truly beautiful occasion.

After the service we had tea and cupcakes in the church with all our guests and once all the photographs were taken we went back to my parents house with 25 friends and family and had a fabulous celebration catered by a local restaurant.

Our wedding 'flowers' were gathered from the country village that I grew up in and arranged by a good family friend. They were breath taking! She had used these amazing Autumn colours, almost everything wild from the hedges and just brought a few flowers from the market to put some actual flowers in the display. My bridesmaids had bouquets made out of felt flowers which were fabulously quirky! The photography was done by another family friend and my Dad being a C of E vicar did the service.

Tony and I have never been a 'flashly' couple (not that kind of flashing!) and our wedding reflected us wonderfully. It was small, intimate and full of love and laughter. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and wore a deep purple maternity dress and I love knowing that even though she was still inside Amelia-Rose was technically at our wedding!

We pledged to each other that day 'In sickness and in health' 'For better and for worse' we would stay together and there isn't a doubt in my mind that we have kept those vows.

In the quest for honesty (as is the purpose of this blog) I will not lie and tell you it has all been plain sailing. In fact, there was a time that our marriage was pushed to the very limit. It was after we had relocated to Dorset but Tony was commuting to Wiltshire to work (2 and a half hours away) and working 24 hour shifts. He was away more then he was around and rather then go through the pain of missing each other when he was gone we fell into a pattern of bickering and the light heartedness that had always been key in our relationship slipped away. I felt like I had lost the man I married to depression.

There was a time that I wondered if we would make it. But thank God, we fought. We talked, we cried together and most importantly we healed together. That's the thing you see with unconditional love. If you love someone unconditionally that goes beyond the boundaries of behaviour and hurt.

Unconditional love is not 'I love you if you behave in a way I like' it is 'I love you despite everything else, no matter what.' What this time in our relationship taught me is that you can love someone enough to lay your life down but you don't always have to like them very much!

When Tony started to work in Dorset and we were seeing each other every day again we both let ourselves heal. We let our marriage heal. Unconditional love.

We grew as a couple and as parents and the whole time we were growing together. He became a bigger part of me and I became a bigger part of him.

Now 5 years on and not a day goes by that I don't look at Tony and thank God for bringing him into my life. Tony is selfless and kind in a way that goes above and beyond the call of duty. He is tender and loving. He never belittles how I feel and I have never EVER heard him complain about my illness. Obviously it goes without saying that he wishes I was well but he never complains about the impact my reduced capability has brought to our lives.  In fact, several times a week he will tell me how well he thinks I am coping and says he doesn't know anyone else who would be able to face chronic illness with such strength and remain positive. He's like my own personal champion

When I got sick without ever needing to be asked Tony took over all the house work, in fact, he actually tells me off if I do it! I enjoy housework so do as much as I can but there are things like hovering and carrying loads of washing that I simply cannot do and like a domestic knight in shining armour he swept in and took over.


He kisses me on the forehead and tells me he loves me, he holds me so tight when I cry, when he envelopes me in his arms my troubles melt into him and he carries them with no sign of it being a burden.

I don't have to voice how I feel or how bad the pain is around him, he always just knows. If I do need to talk about it though he listens.

In the lonely long nights that I am awake in agony (and I mean agony) he is there, stroking my hair, holding my hand. Telling me I look beautiful even if I don't feel it.

I need to take pain killers first thing in the morning and to enable me to do this before I have to get out of bed I get breakfast in bed everyday and if he is on an early he makes me a cup of tea in my travel mug and puts a bowl, milk and cereal on a tray so it is at the side of the bed when I wake up.

The thoughtfulness of my lovely hubby is endless.

No one can make me laugh like Tony does, he is silly and so inappropriate sometimes but it is always done in good humour. He's never grown out of the naughty school boy humour!

He is the most dedicated father to our daughter also. I am still really struggling with the pain from the hip blocks so this morning to keep Amelia-Rose busy and give me some quiet he spent an hour in her bedroom with her on the floor playing Barbies!

As if doing everything he does at home wasn't enough 'giving' Tony is a carer for adults with learning difficulties. His ability to do the job he does to the standard he does it is outstanding. For whatever reason, care work is a female dominated profession but hands down, Tony is as good if not better then some of the best female carers I've ever met. He takes the needs of his clients as paramount and gives a huge part of himself to his work. He really is a carer, he cares. For him, it's about so much more then just turning up to work, doing your shift and coming home. He invests a part of himself into every shift and I couldn't be prouder of him for the work that he does.

I can't imagine what life would be without my love. My soul mate. My 'other half'. We have laid the strongest foundations in the past 5 years and I look forward now to building our future together.


So, what is love? Well if you ask me. It's Tony.