6 days absent

It's been almost a week since I wrote and I really have missed it. I've just not really been in the 'right place' to write so I decided to leave it.

The 12th October was the year anniversary of my operation in Reading and having to think about that time and the consequences of that surgery have been difficult.

My experience at Reading hospital left me traumatised which resulted in my body actually going into shock (not a pleasant experience) and the operation itself has left my hip so unstable I 'pop', 'click' or 'semi dislocate' for the proper term up sometimes up to 11 times a day, even on a good day it will go 8 or 9 times.

I've actually just started seeing a psychologist to help me process what happened in Reading and what has happened since. The lady I see at the pain clinic thought it would help, I think she identified that the experience is something I really really don't like talking about and probably for that reason needs to be talked about! We are also all hoping it will help me heal the gap between mind and body. That seems like such a ridiculous thing to write but I really don't relate to my body at all. Until it started hurting me everyday I never really thought about my body but now, I just, I don't trust it! It hurts, it dislocates, it doesn't do what I want/need it to do. It's not a body image thing like 'urrgh I'm so fat, I've got a big nose' it's a 'you Mrs body screw me over all the time and I don't like you anymore so there!' thing.

I also haven't been writing on here because I've been working on some other writing projects and I have energy for one or the other! I am loving doing them though,

I got some good news today! I am going to get the hip blocks I need! Finally! On Monday!! I have to travel over an hour which is a down side but I was getting really concerned that I was going to have to go back to my consultant in London and tell him that nobody in Dorset could/would do the hip blocks he ordered. He wanted to know the impact it would have on life and with only three weeks between the injections and my next appointment with him it isn't really going to give us an accurate idea but at least it will be done.

The rather daunting downside though is that the Dr that will do it can't sedate me or give me a general anaesthetic (which is the norm) because there isn't an Anaesthesiologist available.

Unfortunately I am going to have to cut this short because Amelia-Rose isn't very well and needs her Mumma!