Autumn days

Today has been cold but mostly wonderful. My thumb is really sore at the minute and I'm finding it difficult to do every day things that should just be easy. Chopping veg for stew earlier was horrible! I make a lot of stews for Tony and Amelia-Rose because I can do it in the morning before I'm too tired and I know it will just bubble away in the slow cooker and they'll have a lovely dinner. There's something very therapeutic about a good stew I think! 

I use my left thumb to hold in the lever on my mobility scooter which is unavoidable but boy am I paying for it at the minute!  

 

 

Tony is on a late shift tonight so started at 3pm and will be home about 10.15pm. It meant I picked Amelia-Rose up from school and we got to spend the evening just the two of us which was nice. Obviously it goes without saying it's lovely when Tony is around but Amelia-Rose and I got to spend some real quality time together today and it was absolutely wonderful.

Autumn is my favourite time of year, those wonderful blue sky days with a nip in the air and crunchy leaves under foot. I think there is something magical about Autumn.

On the way home from school Amelia-Rose and I collected lots of 'Autumn things' and used them to make an Autumn picture using sticky back plastic when we got home. Every pile of leaves we found we crunched in. Amelia-Rose with her feet and me on my mobility scooter! Lord knows what people must have thought seeing a fully grown woman going round and round in circles through leaf piles but it made Amelia-Rose and I happy and that's all that matters!

I took her a kinder egg for a treat after school and she got a little blue horse in it, when she first got home I had to go in the house whilst she hid it in the garden, she then drew me a treasure map and I had to go out into the garden and find her. I should point out Amelia-Rose is already better at giving directions then I have ever been! I was most impressed! After that we made the picture and Amelia and pretending the picture was pony land and I was the first human to ever be allowed into pony land. I quietly put the camera on the table and got some very sweet 'pony view' pictures and also made a little film. You can't see either Amelia-Rose or I in it, just hear us talking but I feel like I captured a really special time.

We had a nice meal together. I had a carrot, apple and ginger smoothie because I'm still struggling with my jaw and didn't fancy a crunchy salad but I am really enjoying and sticking to the raw food. It's amazing what it is doing for my energy levels.

 

I hope days like today are the days Amelia-Rose remembers when she is older. It really reminded me of how things use to be before I became disabled and I hope she holds onto these memories. Being as creative as I am I have always loved the creativity being a mum brings back into your life. We would always have some craft project or another on the go and be off on long nature walks looking for fairies or dragons.

 

When Amelia-Rose was born she reopened my eyes to the beauty and magic of the world and I loved living life at her pace. Everything was new and exciting and demanded being explored. If we were walking past a row of houses we would make up detailed stories of who might live inside and pretend we knew all about them. I am ashamed to say when pain became such a big part of my life I lost some of that. It was so hard to just function anything beyond that suddenly became out of my reach.

 

I feel like at the minute we are getting that back and that excites me so much. There is something very cruel about not being able to be the mum you know you can be.

 

I love the way that Autumn eases us into Winter. It is a slow transition that gently prepares us all for the darker days ahead. It has made me think about how my life is transitioning from thinking I was going to get better to accepting that this is something I have to manage my whole life.