Mindful mummy; Mindful daughter

I have been thinking today about what to write in my blog. A few things have crossed my mind; How much I miss food and what it's like to live without it; My website that I am building how I am trying to centralise the various creative things going on in my life; The frustration that I feel because, as of yet, my body still shows no sign of improvement, but then a wonderful thing happened. I decided today was the day I was going to start teaching my daughter mindfulness.

Amelia-Rose coped amazingly well the first week I was in hospital, she blew us all away actually. The second week she started to struggle although she still did a great job. Since I've been home though I think it has all caught up with her. In the same way it has caught up with my parents, my sister and my husband. It's funny how they all show it in such different ways. In ways that reflect our various relationships.

My husband is treating me like a dandelion, if there is the slightest breeze I think he's afraid I will blow away in the wind. I have always felt like he is my protector but now more then ever. I really do love that man.

Amelia-Rose though, when I first came home as you would expect she was all over me. It was cuddles and kisses all the way. But as the days have gone on and she is realising I am not better then when I was in hospital (bar my pain being under control but she was protected from all of that anyway) I've seen a confusion in her and heard a few questions for Daddy 'Why doesn't mummy cook my dinner anymore?' etc I have decided from tomorrow although I will be wise with rest I am getting up, getting dressed and doing my make up. No doubt I will then be told how great I look although I feel like cr*p but maybe it is time to put the mask back on.

Anyway back to the point in hand. Today Amelia-Rose went out with a friend and wasn't herself, she refused to play with her friend and wouldn't take instruction from my friend. That isn't normal behaviour at all for Amelia-Rose, especially not to take instruction from an adult.

I chose tonight to be the night I would introduce her to mindfulness. I ordered a book whilst I was in hospital called 'Sitting still like a frog'. It's a book and CD designed to introduce children to mindfulness, we sat on my bed together and I explained that we were going to listen to a cd and do what it told us, I told her it would make us feel nice and calm and what we were going to do was called being mindful.

The first track came on and we both closed our eyes (it was a choice, she didn't have to close her eyes but I guess she took my lead) as the track continued I reached out for her hand and she responded by placing her hand in my hand. We fell deeper into relaxation and as the track told us to put our hand on our tummy I peaked out the corner of my eye to see she was indeed putting her other hand on her tummy.


The track finished and we came back into the now, Amelia-Rose asked if we could do another and so we did. That finished and she looked at the track names on the laptop 'Mummy, can we do sleep tight?' and when we'd done it once she asked for it again! This time she snuggled down, asked me to put my hand on her back and she fell asleep!

To hold her hand as she experienced this wonderful feeling for the first time was delightful. I was on a real high. I feel like we have found yet another way to grow together as she herself grows away from needing me in a practical way so much. I see it as part of my role as her mother to learn myself how to step back as she steps forwards but to not be so far back that I'm not there when she needs me. My role shifts and changes and she herself shifts and changes. Sometimes we will move forward for months and sometime we take a few steps back.

Amelia-Rose reverted to co-sleeping months ago then when she got a Hello Kitty blow up bed for Christmas she started sleeping on that on our bedroom floor then suddenly Tuesday she announced she wanted to move back into her own bed in her own bedroom.

I'd always said to Tony when she was ready to move back into her own space she would but it still sort of took me by surprise (in a good way) Tonight Tony lifted her back into her own bed. At 12.30 there came a small voice 'Daddy' Tony went in and they had a small chat before she went back to sleep, she woke again at 2.45am and was completely calm as she was the first time she woke up. I wasn't asleep anyway so I shared a story with her and she asked for the 'Sleep tight' meditation and fell back to sleep!

I need to explain how HUGE this is for us. This is the first time EVER Amelia-Rose has woken up calm in the night. We have always had to deal with night terrors and nightmares (two very different things) or just a crying frustrated many times inconsolable baby/child. This calmness that surrounded Amelia-Rose when she woke in the night was wonderful. I really hope this enthusiasm for meditation continues. I think it gave her a great deal of calm in what has been a very un calm 3 weeks. I feel like I have found a way to help her feel centred when everything is all over the place.