For the lost boys.

I must admit this last year has been really really hard and I've been terrible at actually being honest about how lonely, isolated and terrified I have been. My faith in God, that this isn't how it's meant to be, that I will endure any suffering thrown my way because I have been blessed against all the odds with the most beautiful daughter who I never thought I would have is what has got me through and I have prayed 'my prayer', which goes a little something like this, many many many times

Lord use me as a vessel of your light, shine through me my Lord, my God, let the words that come to me be your words, my voice is your voice, whatever happens Lord, I believe in you"

The way I have emotionally and mentally made it through the year is to write poetry but I've not wanted to share those words because I am a scardy-cat and have been  too afraid what people will think of it but I am determined that 2017 is going to be OUR year, 2016 is almost behind us and a new year, a new beginning and a new life lay before us and I am so freaking excited! I believe it can only get better.

In trying to find courage I have sworn I will grow a pair and share my poetry on my blog. Poetry I hope in 2017 will become songs!  I don't believe they are my words, I am just blessed that they came to me when they did. 

Today I'd like to share a poem I wrote for all the lost souls, all the babies we loved but never got to hold. All those lives we loved so much and still do but don't get to see. When I say 'we' I mean women everywhere, not Tony and I! Although we are included in the 'we' I don't just mean the 2 of us. 


Take a breath, pause a moment, 
Blow the seeds of the dandelion, 
Towards the light of the stars, 
Where your tears are felt, 
And your cries are heard, 
Where your baby sleeps in peace, 

His eyes are in the stars, 
His hands hold the daises, 
His shadow is on the sun, 
He is gone but never forgotten, 
We knew him not at all, 
But you cradled him in peace and calm, 
So, in motherhood stand tall, 

The sun rises and the sunsets
It shows the colour of his laugh, 
He grows everyday in you, 
Carry him along the path. 
And never let that love go, 
Only you could know
How much it hurts
To love a soul
You'll never get to hold. 

Heaven is a beautiful place, 
Waiting for the human race, 
It's ok to let it go, 
A soul finds peace in heaven we know, 
Never feel ashamed, 
To speak his name, 
Shout it loud, 
Stand tall and proud. 



Until tomorrow, I hope if you're reading this you have a peaceful night, if you live with pain I pray your spirit can endure it and it won't break you down. You are so much stronger then you think you are!