Up until about 2 months ago my daughter hasn't liked 'Pink', proudly telling people she is not a 'pinkish' girl so this new pink stage has been a bit of a revelation to us all.
I love birthdays, I always have. When I was a little girl I would stretch my birth'day' as long as I could! Just a day? Oh no! Lets go for the whole weekend!
Something that I am really having to work on is setting myself new realistic physical expectations. I have always been very proud of my make it yourself attitude and it meant for the first three years as a wife and mother our meals were from scratch and my daughter and I made most the gifts that we gave. I loved the lifestyle. Of course, when I became disabled things had to change and it's possibly the thing I struggle with the most. It makes me feel completely inadequate!
My husband now does a lot of the cooking because it is difficult for me to prepare food and I really miss it. I will raise the blood pressure of feminists around the world now but we had a very traditional marriage. I was the home keeper and my husband was the bread winner. I was very fortunate that even before my illness my husband has always been hands on with house work on his days off (helping out where he could) but cooking was always my territory.
I take great pride in cooking nice meals for the people I love. As a little girl I use to plan elaborate menus and invite all of my extended family over for 'dinner parties'. For me cooking is about love, so you can imagine how difficult I have found it to let that go. (This is one of the things we have addressed with the occupational therapists. How to enable me to be able to cook completely independently again. Hoora!!)
Rationally I can say to myself 'All they need is your love and your time' and yet the fact that I can't 'do' as much as I use to is still a very sore wound for me. I am aware of it though which I think is positive and I am working on it. At least I've identified the sore spot!
It's not a great personality trait having your self worth (for want of a better phrase!) caught up in what you can physically do for other people but A; Before the disability I had no idea because I was able to give as much of myself as I wanted! and B; I do know now and it's explained a lot of past experiences to me and I fully intend upon growing as a person knowing this is within me. I guess it's all part of being kind to myself. (See previous blog!)
Urgh, I feel like this is sounding like I am a real downer on myself and it isn't meant to at all! I am not a self loathing person, I just, I feel my best when I am helping someone. I like to give to people and I suppose, what I am trying to explain is that it's only since I have become disabled that I've realised that that want to give to other people all the time is a bit wrapped up with how I see myself. In terms of being a useful human being etc. Man I have gone WAY off subject...
Getting back to the party...
Pre party as I looked at the food I had prepared and the decorations I had bought I simply thought "I haven't done enough" but when I saw how beautiful the hall looked and how happy my daughter was I was able to appreciate my hard work. (And the hard work of others. It wouldn't have been made possible without my amazing family and two friends who actually put all the decorations up for me!)
I also did something that I have never done before. I put myself in my wheelchair. Going in my wheelchair is normally only an option because I simply cannot do what it is I need to do without it (like being out in public in a non mobility scooter friendly place) but on this occasion I decided the best place for me to be was indeed in my wheelchair. Call it self preservation. I knew, if I didn't put my butt in that chair I would have over done it and the only person that pays for me over doing it is me. Well, in a physical sense anyway.
After the party I had a long soak in the bath and when I was reflecting upon the day it occurred to me that it was the first time I had felt comfortable in my wheelchair. Normally I HATE being in my wheelchair. The first time I went out in it I had a panic attack (after 6 years of not having one!) and it near enough broke my heart to see the reflection in shop windows of a woman sat in a wheelchair but here we are, 22 months later and I actually felt like 'me'. I was relaxed and I enjoyed myself. It was a HUGE victory. Huge. And even now a few days on it still feels pretty darn good.
I am so good at putting on the 'I cope with this so well' face but in this case I actually really did! It was such a fun party! I didn't feel like I was putting on a show or a brave face at all. I just genuinely had a blast.
I set up four tables each with a different activity on so the children were spilt into groups and then with an adult helper moved their way around the various activities so that everyone got a turn at everything and we weren't left with children running wildly around the room!
Table one was the toilet roll game! Using toilet roll you make yourself (or a nominated person in your team) an outfit to wear. The children had an absolute BLAST and we will definitely be doing this again! Even the mums couldn't resist getting involved!
Table two was the tray memory game. You place various items on a tray and cover it with a tea towel. You then do a sneaky swipe and remove something from the tray and the children have to guess what it is that is missing. This was another great hit and engaged the children far more then I thought it would! I would say this is a game to reserve for school age children. There were a few pre-schoolers at the party who did enjoy it but I think it was because they were integrated with the older children.
Next stop was the pin the bow on the Hello Kitty which we set up on the wall. I drew her and cut the bow out myself because you can't buy one anywhere but it was worth it. The children loved it and did great at waiting their turn. As they were in groups of 4-5 they didn't have to wait long.
Table three I put out a tray of pens and some cardboard bunting and all the children got to decorate a bunting triangle. My original idea was that I would then string them up and put them up in my daughter's bedroom but most the children wanted to take them home which was absolutely fine. It was nice they had something they were proud of.
Table four was the age old, can't go wrong with it, works every time, biscuit decorating. Icing sugar, various sprinkles, a biscuit and a spoon. Job done. This never fails to delight children!
Pass the parcel is my daughters favourite party game and she asked that it be the first thing we did so I actually prepared two. One for the beginning and one for the end. The first one had a chocolate coin between each layer and the second as little toys that my husband and daughter had bought. For an nice added touch I put them in sweet little cellophane bags that had birthday balloons on so it was almost like they got a little present.
We did party boxes rather then party bags at the end of the party. I prefer boxes because I think they are more likely to be used again and again by the children where as party bags tend to go straight in the bin. We tied a helium balloon to every box so every child left with a party box, a balloon and I also made some biscuits that I put into Hello Kitty food bags. It felt like a great party.
I made the topper and was almost finished when I popped into the kitchen...
Just minutes later my daughter came in and said 'Look Mumma I drew on the mouth!'
So, yes she doesn't look like a Hello Kitty topper but she is a beautiful cat that my daughter
helped with!
A few weeks before the party we tried to find a nice party dress but couldn't find one that my daughter really liked and she asked if I could make her a tutu. I used pink and lilac net with a very large pink flower button on the front. For the top half I bought a pink leotard (She also does gym and tap so it will get plenty of use!) and a Hello Kitty iron on patch for the centre! Job done! She also has a hello kitty birthday badge on here!
Blessings x
